As I get older, one word is ever present: time. I find it speeds up. What used to feel like hours now feels like seconds. I get more tired, eat less, and sleep more, but I am never well rested.
School takes a toll, and so does work. I never seem to have enough time. I used to have time to relax and goof around, but now I regret wasting that time.
I need a moment; I need the moment to relax and cope with the lack of time I have left. The time that has been taken away by school, travel, and work, leaving no time for me, my friends, nor my thoughts.
We grow up with the idea that we know what time is, but never truly grasp the concept until after high school. During high school, we used to have a lot of time to socialize, shop, relax, and to do homework.
Before, we never completely understood why our parents complained about there not being enough time in the world, but now I understand. Now, I have more duties to accomplish and new roles to take on. I have to do my own laundry, write papers, buy groceries, and travel to work, thus resulting in no more free time.
I take on more stress and problems. I worry about commuting to school and work. I worry about grades and I stress about tests. Not to mention that everything seems to gain momentum. The work increases in stress and complexity, so I procrastinate on essays and studying.
Like time, school moves forward, everything seems to cave in and unfold. I don’t like being suffocated by roles and duties.
Some say it’s all in the balance of things. No one should learn on their own when it takes a village! Where is my village? I guess I’m my own village and must train and teach myself. It is overwhelming to think about, too much to do and grow into a new role. In the end there are no more minutes.
Days filled with work and stress can make one go crazy. The things we look forward to in life are the breaks. When class is out and when I don’t have to work, I need to look for the time that I seem to have lost trying to find myself. I want the guilt-free run of life, when I could sit down and not think, or when I should do something, but decide to do nothing instead and regret it.
My balance isn’t there yet, and work and school suffer for it; but one day, hopefully soon, I will find the balance.
For now, I need to focus on myself, to know myself. But again, I have no time. In a total of twenty four hours, I can’t find the time. Can you?